Web Performance Sing-a-long

I returned from Velocity Conference Europe 2013 today, just in time to get my two daughters to bed. Before we shuffled up to brush teeth and read stories, I explained to my four year old that I’d been to a conference today.

“Papa, what’s a conference?”, she asked.

“Erm….a conference is like…well, erm…its sort of like assembly at school”, I replied.

“Really? Do you sing songs? We sing songs in assembly.”

“No sweet-pea, but I wish we did.”

In this time of postive messaging around gender and codes of conduct, I think we’d all do well to have a sing-a-long at tech conferences. And if we did, I think the tune might go a little something like this:

Web performance assembly song

The spinner on the page,
Goes round and round,
Round and round, Round and round,
The spinner on the page,
Goes round and round,
All, day, loooooong.

The spike on the graph,
Goes up and down,
Up and down,
Up and down,
The leader of the team,
Goes frown, frown, frown,
All, day, loooooong.

The status of the build,
Goes blink, blink, blink,
Blink, blink, blink,
Blink, blink, blink,
The patience of the team,
Goes shrink, shrink, shrink,
All, day, loooooong.

The service in the cloud,
Scales up and down,
Up and down,
Up and down,
The prices in the cluster,
Go up and down,
All, day, loooooong.

The spinner on the page,
Goes round and round,
All, day, loooooong.